She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
