don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Let's get the cat blown out
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
