His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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