I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
