Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
