It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
