Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
