so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
