She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
