Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
