Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
