I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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