a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
