True but thats because hes a fetus.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
