Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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