Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
someone owes me an orgasm
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
