I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
