he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
