I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
