I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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