Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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