I must be too annoying 4 u.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
