DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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