So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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