i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
