Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize