what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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