Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
