Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
