It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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