Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
