ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I would fuck him just for his dog
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
