I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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