my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
