did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
