everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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