And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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