he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
