I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
