at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
