the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
