I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
