At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
