apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
