do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
