Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Moan for me like Helen Keller
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
