I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Reggie can tackle my bush.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
