allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
