My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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