So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
